Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
home. puking in laundry basket.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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