best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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