my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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