Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
