margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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