Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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