she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
So many bounce houses so little time
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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