after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
