Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
