Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
