I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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