i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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