So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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