thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
