After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
