I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
