I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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