Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
