man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
