me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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