i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
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