brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
