Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
