It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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