i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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