I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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