My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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