I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
