Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Randomize