so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
