He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
