Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
what day is it and did you see me today?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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