apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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