Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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