i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
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