Having a random hookup so left but love u
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
