I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Randomize
