we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
