i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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