so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
