I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
