she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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