oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
