you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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