saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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