I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
