Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Randomize
