i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize