Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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