you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
