turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Randomize
