I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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