can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Acid is not a monday night drug
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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