I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize