I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
