Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
My Sexting was not on an AP level
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize