this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
