Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Pants are for mortals
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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