I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
