So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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