Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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