the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
