listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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