we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
