she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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