Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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