its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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