woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Randomize
