morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
