Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
