I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
