I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
