i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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