I cannot find my penis.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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