Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
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