She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
