found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
