Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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