Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
