How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize