It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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