I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I need to sanitize my soul.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
