A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Do you have feelings for this penis?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
