My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Randomize
