Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
