I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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