Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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