I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
