If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
