I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Randomize
