hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
