My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
