At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I wish i was in the wii world.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
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