So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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