nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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