He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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