My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
