dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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