I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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