The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
