dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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